bomb

I had a bomb dropped on me tonight, and my head is spinning. I don’t even know what to do with the information. The last seven years of my life are in complete confusion now. How does someone move on from something like this?

Longing

I want a baby.

I want to be a mom.

I never though the desire would be so strong, but there it is, gnawing away at me every time I find out yet another friend is pregnant.

I wish men had the same kind of biological clocks we women have. I hope my husband warms up to the idea of a child before I implode.

learning not to care

I’m a bad blogger. And it’s not because I don’t have anything to say. It’s because I care. Too much.

I care what people think. I let it hurt when they leave nasty comments. Or snide comments. Or just comments that I take too personally. I feel threatened when people disagree with me. Like I have to defend my point of view.

That’s all ridiculous, and I know it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity. I want to be unapologetically me. To say what I think and not worry about the consequences. I don’t know how to do that yet, but I’m certainly going to try.

I have been hiding myself from the world for a long time, and holding a lot of stuff in. It’s getting old. It’s not healthy. I’m done. I’m going to try to let it all out, one post at a time. Wish me luck.